


I Would Give Anything to See You Smile Again

by nerdyheart15



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Apples, Author's use of Norse Mythology is probably incorrect, Blind Character, Gen, M/M, Magic, trade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 07:30:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyheart15/pseuds/nerdyheart15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he touches Clint’s shoulder gently to tell him that he isn’t alone anymore the younger man goes completely still. Then like every night since Clint was released Phil wraps his arms around Clint from the behind. Usually Clint and him would sit under the water for what felt like hours, but tonight was different. There was a desperate feel to the air and the moment Phil wraps his arms around Clint, the archer lashes out. He screams at first, his arms are flailing and his legs are kicking at air, but Phil refuses to let go. He’s been waiting for the breakdown.</p><p>The trigger was Clint’s appointment that morning, when the last source of hope SHIELD had for returning Clint’s sight told him it was impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Give Anything to See You Smile Again

**Author's Note:**

> This plot wouldn't escape me last night. 
> 
> I don't know why the spaces seem so large between the paragraphs and I apologize if that's distracting. 
> 
> enjoy reading :D

Phil woke up in the middle of the middle of the night alone. The side of the bed where Clint usually laid was cold and Phil had the feeling that Clint might have left the moment he sensed Phil was asleep.

 

Clint’s been having trouble sleeping at night, he would always tell Phil the same thing when he asked, that to sleep in total darkness is more terrifying then people will ever know.

 

Phil just wishes that Clint would have never found out how empty the darkness could be.

 

He lingers in the bed for a little, knowing that Clint needs his space; but he gets up eventually and heads towards the bathroom.

 

The lights are off, but there is no reason anymore for them to be on, in a sign of respect Phil keeps them off. He pulls off his pajamas and makes his way into the shower and sits down next to Clint. Although the bathroom may be dark the shower is slightly illuminated from all of the Stark technology. The light casts Clint in a slight glow and the image breaks Phil’s heart. The archer has his knees to his chest and his arms are wrapped around his knees; it’s a sign that Clint is breaking. Phil can see Clint shaking, trying so hard to not let it out, and trying to keep from falling apart.

 

When he touches Clint’s shoulder gently to tell him that he isn’t alone anymore the younger man goes completely still. Then like every night since Clint was released Phil wraps his arms around Clint from the behind. Usually Clint and him would sit under the water for what felt like hours, but tonight was different. There was a desperate feel to the air and the moment Phil wraps his arms around Clint, the archer lashes out. He screams at first, his arms are flailing and his legs are kicking at air, but Phil refuses to let go. He’s been waiting for the breakdown.

 

The trigger was Clint’s appointment that morning, when the last source of hope SHIELD had for returning Clint’s sight told him it was impossible.

 

…

 

It had all happened so fast, that at first no one even realized Hawkeye was in trouble. By the time anyone got to him, it was too late.

 

The battle had been against Doctor Doom and the Enchantress. The two had teamed up and through magic, science, and what Phil likes to think of pure dumb luck; had complete control over the Fantastic Four. The Avengers were called in to stop the Fantastic Four from destroying the city, while SHEILD worked on deactivating the mind control devices.

 

The battle had been longer and more taxing than anyone expected and in the chaotic mess of things Hawkeye had found himself alone facing Amora.

 

The moment Hawkeye's com link went offline Phil had requested backup to Clint's post. When the rest of the Avengers had replied that they were unable to leave their positions, the agent had gone in himself. By the time he arrived as backup Amora was bent over Clint's bruised and bleeding form. She had a glowing hand covering his eyes and was saying a spell of some sort. By the time she was done the glow had become so intense that Phil had to momentarily look away.

 

Clint's pain filled screams from what Amora did to him would always haunt Phil’s nightmares.

 

…

 

The following weeks had been filled with various appointments and every time they were told the same thing, that whatever Amora had done to him had rendered Clint completely blind. Every time a specialist has told the archer that there was nothing they could do Clint’s demeanor seemed to be crushed just a little bit more until he was a walking shell of a man.

 

Phil couldn’t even begin imagine to understand what Clint was going through.

 

Clint’s hearing had been shot years ago in a mission gone to hell and at the time it had seemed hopeless then too. It took months but Clint slowly learned to readjust his life. He learned sign language and had taught himself to read lips, and Clint had gotten a few surgeries and his hearing aids helped tremendously. Clint’s hearing would never be back to its original sharpness but he was a survivor and he learned to adapt.

 

When he lost his sight it was harder. Before Clint didn’t need to depend on only his hearing aids, his eyes could tell him what his ears couldn’t and that was the only thing that mattered. With his eyesight gone, things became harder. He was relying on his hearing aids completely and Clint was struggling with that. The archer wasn’t adjusting and slowly he was giving up.

 

His eyes meant everything to Clint and without them he felt lost, useless, and so completely alone that no amount of support would ever tell him otherwise. Clint went into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety and Phil could tell that he was losing Clint, that sooner than later he would lose the man he loved most in this world.

 

Clint had given up, but Phil never would.

 

…

 

“Friend, here this, if you were to go through with this magic there would be no turning back. There is no reverse to the spell.”  Thor looked at Phil earnestly, but the Asgardian wouldn’t have told him about this option in the first place if he wasn’t sure it was their last chance.

 

“I understand how the magic works. It’s a trade, simple as that.” Thor gave Phil a gentle look, and the agent knew that the god was concerned for his safety.

 

“But you do not know what the trade will be son of Coul, the magic could easily take your life if it felt that it was a fair.” His warning was passing by unhearing ears and they both knew that. Phil was determined to see this through.

 

“The world needs Clint more than they need me Thor.” If his sacrifice meant that Clint would hope again, then he would die a thousand deaths. Thor knew this and when he gave Phil a hug, he accepted it.

 

…

 

“I can’t do this anymore Phil.” Anguished unseeing eyes turned to face in his direction and Phil felt his heart stop. It was the phrase he never wanted to hear. “I can’t go on pretending that I’m of any use. I can’t see, I can barely hear and… I’m useless. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

 

“Why do you get to decide what I should deal with?” Phil was angry, but his emotions meant nothing to a man who didn’t care anymore. “I could never leave you and I swear to whatever higher power there is that I’m going to fix you no matter what it takes. I love you too much for that.”

 

Clint never responded and Phil knew he wouldn’t. He was a shell of his former self.

 

Phil kissed Clint on the forehead before leaving their bedroom, it felt a little like goodbye.

 

…

 

“You care for this man deeply to be risking such a valuable part of yourself.” The two women stood before Phil in the ancient chamber and he could see how they were considered goddesses. The Valkyrie Eir was clad in intricate armor, her auburn hair pulled into a complicated braid. From her stance alone Phil could see that she was a warrior, and she was as beautiful as she was deadly. The woman next to her was just as beautiful but in a different way. The Goddess Idunn had on a silk dress that was simple and it clung to her every curve accentuating her beauty effortlessly. Her hair was a deep honey blond and she wore it undone around her in gentle curls.

 

In short, it was a site he would never forget.

 

“I would give my life for this man.” Phil had kept his head bowed as a sign of respect for the woman but when he stated his resolve he met the goddesses’ gazed head on.

 

“Your resolve is pure and your actions purer. Thor has told us of your struggles with the man you have given your heart to, and my sister and I agree to perform the ritual for you.” Eir spoke once more but Idunn remained silent. She was studying Phil intently and the man didn’t know what for.

 

“Thank you, I will do whatever you need me to do.” The Valkyrie’s face remained impassive nut a gentle smile spread across Idunn’s face.

 

“You remind me much of my husband son of Coul.” Phil raised an eyebrow in confusion, mostly because he felt as if he was as far from a Norse god as anyone could be. The action made Idunn laugh softly and Eir shot her sister an exasperated look. “Your words are important to you I can tell. You bend others with your words the same as my husband, they are truly your greatest weapon.”

 

“My sister is hopelessly blind when it comes to Bragi, but her words are no less true. Just as your love’s eyes are his most important weapon so are your words.” Phil’s eyes widened in realization, he was so sure that the only trade the goddesses would find worthy would be his death. The new development in his plan changed things drastically for Phil.

 

“You will not die today son of Coul, but your willingness to lay down your life so that one could feel hope once more has made it so we would see other possibilities for a trade. Thor was not wrong about your heart.” Idunn and Eir walked closer to where Phil was kneeling on the ground and both of them helped him to his feet.

 

…

 

“Clint I need you to eat something, take a bite of this apple.” Phil held out the apple that Idunn had given him. It was deep red in color and all over the skin of the apple were golden symbols that reminded Phil of the markings on Thor’s hammer. Once Clint took a bite of the apple the ruins began to shimmer and when Phil took a bite of the opposite end of where Clint bit, the ruins shifted and changed.

 

Phil set the apple down and he began to say the incantation that Eir had taught him. While he said the ancient words he touched his throat gently and then touched both of Clint’s eyes. His throat was beginning to heat through the whole process, but it wasn’t comfortable and Phil could feel the magic working.

  
Clint had gotten drowsy to the point of passing out the moment he had swallowed his part of the apple and Phil gently laid him against his chest and wrapped both arms around him.

 

“I love you.” It was said so quietly and Phil knew they were the last words he would ever speak.

 

…

 

Phil had been acting strange last night and that had made Clint oddly nervous. The man had been anticipating something so when he kept asking Clint to do strange things he obliged.

 

The apple had tasted different, like nothing he has ever eaten before and the moment he swallowed the strange fruit he stated feeling tired. The truly odd thing wasn’t feeling tired however, it was the strange warmth he had felt in his eyes.

 

When Phil began to chant in a strange language Clint’s world became foggy and he wasn’t sure what was happening anymore. All he knew was that the more tired he became the quieter Phil’s voice became. By the time he succumbed to the pull of sleep the last thing he had heard was a faint ‘I love you.’

 

…

 

Waking up was different for Clint ever since he became blind. Before he would open his eyes immediately and take in his surroundings, taking in anything that might have changed while he was asleep. Now he kept them shut for as long as possible, it was easier to pretend that way. That his current nightmare was just a dream and when he opened his eyes it would be to the world of color he missed so much.

 

He reached for his hearing aids in their dish on the nightstand and put them in. Clint didn’t remember taking them off last night, so Phil must have done it for him before he went to bed. He reached beside him to feel for Phil’s body and his hand met a warm shoulder and Clint breathed out a sigh of relief. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but Clint was afraid that one day Phil would realize how useless he was now and would leave him.

 

Finally realizing that eventually he would have to get up out of bed and face another day Clint opened his eyes. It took years of training to not shout out when he could make out shadows of objects in the darkened room.

 

“Jarvis, could you turn up the lights to dim please.” Something clicked above his head and the shadows in his vision lit up to the room he was so familiar with. He could see everything, the deep purple and cream walls, the bedding that was bronze in color, and when he looked to his side he could see a sliver of Phil’s pale back from where it had ridden up underneath his blue t-shirt.

 

“Phil, wake up,” Clint shook the older man’s shoulder gently and the man shot up in bed ready for action. Clint took in Phil’s sleepy expression of surprise and his messy hair and thought it was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. “I can see.”

 

A wide smile broke through Phil’s sleepy expression and Clint returned it in full. Phil opened his mouth and started to say something and for a moment Clint thought that maybe his hearing aids weren’t on. When he reached up to see if they were on Phil’s mouth snapped shut and he gave Clint a shy smile.

 

Suddenly he remembered everything from last night and his eyes widened when he saw the strange apple on Phil’s bedside table.

 

“Phil… what-what did you do?” The man in question ducked his head and looked away from Clint’s eyes. His hands rose from where they were fisted in the sheets slowly and Clint realized they were shaking.

 

 _“I made a deal.”_ Clint continued to stare at Phil in shock when all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. _“I traded your sight for my voice. This is permanent so don’t even think of doing something stupid.”_ Phil smiled softly but it was hesitant.

If Clint’s eyesight was one of his most important features then Phil’s voice was his. The fact that the man would give that up for Clint to see again made him realize just how much the older man loved him.

 

Phil still wouldn’t look Clint directly in the eyes so he took his chins and his hands and forced him to. He leaned in slowly and kissed Phil’s lips passionately.

 

“You stupid, stupid man; how the hell am I supposed to top this?” Phil let out a silent breath of shock and finally looked at Clint fully. Clint hoped Phil could see all of the things he couldn’t say in that moment.  

 

 _“You’re not mad?”_ Clint rolled his eyes and pulled Phil into a tight hug.

 

“I’m not mad, I’m furious.” Phil’s shoulder tensed and Clint could tell he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I can’t believe you would do this for me, and we have so much to talk about but right now I just want to show you how much I love you.”

 

Clint didn’t even realize he was crying till Phil wiped away his tears.

 

 _“I’d have given more than just my voice to see that smile again.”_ Clint laughed, he couldn’t help him. He was sure he sounded a little delirious but it was such a relief to feel something again, even if it was a confused mess of emotions.

 

“My God, you are such a sap Phil.” Phil’s shoulders shook slightly and it took Clint a strange moment to realize that’s what Phil’s laughter would look like from now on. It pulled at something in Clint’s heart.

 

 _“I love you.”_ Phil looked so sincere and Clint knew that every word he said of that phrase was true. They were going to have to work through a lot of things, and their life would be different now, but at least they had each other.

 

“I love you too.”

 

_Fin_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I do watch the Almighty Johnsons.


End file.
